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("The victim of an affair is not always the victim of the marriage," as Esther Perel says.) But you're not an awful daughter for refusing to see your dad during a contentious, confusing, and most likely humiliating time. As for how to reach out, I think e-mail is the best way to reestablish contact after an estrangement.

You can take your time crafting what you want to say, and your dad can take his time crafting a response.

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My brother and I were in our mid-teens at the time and were angry enough with him that we asked him to not seek custody. As I mature, I'm wondering if I was unfair to my dad by cutting off all contact. It doesn't help that some of the girls were not much older than I was at the time.

I think I'd like to get to know my dad again, but I'm not sure what kind of relationship I'm ready to have.

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